FAKE NEWS UPDATE: Lebron Speaks at Length About The "One Ring" After Winning First Championship

Lebron James surprised reporters with comments during his post championship interview.

"My first ring" James said, sitting down in front of the press, stroking his championship trophy with a wide grin as the room erupted in polite applause and laughter.

"I'm glad to finally have a ring, my first one, the one, the one ring."

"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them." Lebron said, pretending to read an invisible inscription on the trophy.

"One ring to bring them all and in the darkness-bind them." He continued, pausing for emphasis and delivering the final words in an emphatic whisper.

"we started to wonder where he was going with this." an unnamed reporter said, admitting he didn't realize Lebron was quoting from Tolkeins, Lord of the Rings trilogy.

James proceeded to speak at length about the forging of the "One Ring" by the Dark Lord Sauron in the Second Age, ignoring reporters outstretched hands and their attempts to interrupt him with questions about the game. 

"I wanted to ask him how he felt about his legacy, but he just kept droning on and on about how impervious to damage the 'One Ring' was." complained another unnamed reporter.

"He just didn't stop, he eventually pulled out notes, a legalpad, filled with notes."

James went on to discuss the men of Numenor and the war between the Elves and Sauron for roughly three hours, before finally concluding with what many analysts agreed was a synopsis of "The Silmarillion"



(editors note: yeah this is fake, not true, etc)

FAKE NEWS UPDATE: Michael Jordan focuses competitive energy on outliving old foes

Sources close to Jordan have revealed that the consensus "greatest player of all time" and current owner of the Charlotte Bobcats is competitively trying to outlive old opponents, such as: Isiah Thomas, Patrick Ewing and even Brian Russell.

"Now that my career is over, it's all about outliving these f***ers" Jordan told reporters, speaking candidly while working up a sweat on a stair master and taking periodic, seemingly timed, sips of unsweetened green tea from an Air Jordan thermos.

"It's not just about championships and individual accolades, it's about having the richest and longest life. Experiencing everything the world has to offer, achieving greater understanding and possibly enlightenment." Jordan continued, popping some Vitamin C tablets and washing them down with more unsweetened tea.

"and I'm going to beat all of them." Jordan added, with a noticeable growl, biting down angrily on a celery stick.

Analysts have predicted Jordan competitive nature could lead to him living well into his hundreds if necessary.

(Editors note: of course this is all FAKE, NOT TRUE and a JOKE)

FAKE NEWS UPDATE: Steve Nash Will Be Looking at Team Logos During Free Agency

This off-season Steve Nash will be placing a premium on signing with a team which fields a "bad ass " logo .
"I'm getting on in years, this will probably be my last contract"  Said the 38, but still spry point guard during a press conference.
"This is my last chance to be a member of a really amazing color scheme and design"
Sources reveal Nash is very interested in teams with carnivorous animals as mascots, like the Grizzlies, Raptors and Hawks.
"I had some great success with the Suns" Nash said, speaking warmly of his last 8 years.
"A lot of success, both with the team and individually"
"but the Suns? I mean what does that name even mean? That we're a bunch of hot plasma?"
Nash is planning on using his sway with teams to suggest new logos and design schemes during contract negotiations. He offered reporters a quick glimpse of his sketch pad and many of the new logo ideas featured: Minotaur's, flaming skulls and dragons riding Harley's.
After Nash's press conference the Suns announced they would be putting together a small presentation for Nash about the sun and it's appeal as a logo.
"There's a lot of cool things about the Sun" said majority owner Robert Sarver to reporters.
"For example, scientists think the Sun will blow up one day, that's pretty bad ass."

(editors note: this is of course, completely made up, fiction, a joke, NOT REAL, etc)

FAKE NEWS UPDATE: Larry Bird Might Be Considering, Leaning Towards Remaining With The Pacers, Maybe

Unnamed sources can neither confirm or deny that Larry Bird is thinking about strongly considering, remaining with the Pacers long term.

"There's probably some serious 'mulling' going on at the moment" said one anonymous source from a New Jersey payphone.
"but don't quote me on that" he said before quickly hanging up.

Sources from Larry Birds "camp" reported:
"At this point, the smart money is on him most likely, thinking about staying" said one member of Birds "camp" before going on to say:
"but also going, he's thinking a lot about that as well."

When asked for further details, Larrys "camp" also stated: "There's been an increase in the amount of bear sightings in Yellowstone this year, at least where we are"

(editors note: this is of course, a joke, made up, fiction, NOT REAL, etc)

Court-side updates from Professor J

(Editor's note: We don't have the funding to have a man on the hardwood when the games start mattering, so here's Professor J being there for us when it's harmless and inoffensive to everyone involved: reporting his thoughts from a Pre-season game between the Magic and Heat!)

No One's Going To Read This...

Like the title says, no one is going to read this. But I don't care, I wanted to get it off my chest.

The NBA labor issues are not simply "millionaires arguing with billionaires".

If that's your perspective, I believe you're missing the point (while at the same time, and this is why I'm so confused: you're right on the money).
To me it's a little bit like arguing that the debate between the 99% and the 1%  is one  between:
"people with enough potable drinking water and people with even more potable drinking water."
(the same argument goes for the teachers union in Wisconsin)
In the grand scheme of things, we're all fairly lucky, and we're always luckier than someone else (except for that one poor bastard. I won't name names, but if you're reading this, I really hope things turn around eventually).

At the same time, there is some analytically currency to interpreting the issue as one between two groups of haves (something which many people have done in the case of Occupy Wall street). On some level it's true.
And of course, in regards to the NBA, the injustices are hardly as dire as cutting the pensions of already destitute teachers, but still:

If you let yourself get carried away with this line of "you're lucky with what you have" reasoning, you forget the lesser side still has a point, and by cynically ignoring it, you're not helping anyone.

Thoughts on the NBA Finals, Lebron James, and the next season (if there is one....)

So...... it's been a while. Since the last time Baby Hornacek and I wrote anything, the Miami Heat went from dysfunction to contending status to national laughingstock. Lebron James went from pariah to "best player alive" to an international criminal (or so it would seem). Hell, last time we wrote, Eddy Curry was thinking of a comeback, Dirk Nowitzki was still a slightly richer man's Drazen Petrovic, and Nate Robinson wasn't peeing in public. Yeah, it's been a while. As an apology for our break (Editor's note: and to my loved ones, overcoming meth wasn't easy), here's my thoughts on the season that has passed, the way it ended, He Who Must Not Be James-ed, and the upcoming season:

Wait......the season started?

Hello faithful reader(s)!

Now I know we haven't posted anything in a while and we sincerely apologize. (Editor's note: A while? A WHILE?!?! I haven't had a job for 2 months! I had to wait tables and mop floors 16 hours a day just to sustain the extravagant lifestyle of a "blog editor" my family had grown used to)
Baby Hornacek and myself have been too busy with curing cancer and saving kittens that we neglected our great blog. We will absolutely remedy that in the only way we know how: personalized gift baskets! (Actually we're just planning on writing more so... y'know... enjoy).

Like Antoine Walker, we're coming back baby!!

(editors note: How did we ever leave?)

 Let's start with some of Professor J's random, scattered thoughts about the still-somewhat-young NBA season! (editors note: while I try to convince the banks to not reposes my 16 story mansion in Connecticut)

Lets talk about Kahn

With the NBA season now only days away, NBA columnists are busy hammering out power rankings, staring into crystal balls, traveling to oracles and consulting Ouija boards, all in an effort to figure out how this season is “gonna go down.”
One thing most NBA soothsayers seem to agree on is: “the the T-wolves are gonna suck and David Kahn is a big fat joke”. Most power rankings have the Twolves ranked 30 out of 30 (and sometimes 31st when the controversial expansion team the “Pennsylvania Mennonites” are included).

If their's one community who can build an NBA arena to Sterns standards...it's the Amish

Don’t lie, you agree. In a league with as many bad GMs as the amount of millions in Jerome James’ last contract the world has still deems Kahn the worst of the bunch.

I'm about to get paiddddd

I personally don’t understand why. Kahn aint perfect, but in a League where Billy King just got rehired I don’t think the bars been set very high. Yeah he traded away Al Jeff for peanuts, and didn’t land us Stephen Curry, but he has to be given credit for his smart choices as well.

Lebron James is not Jesus

So you're a Cleveland Cavaliers fan, weeping and burning jerseys, as you realize you lost yet another chance at a championship (Editor's note: This probably stings more than the franchise givng $70 million to Larry Hughes right? It's a toss up). Meanwhile, Lebron James is in South Beach getting fanned with palm leaves by Cuban-American models.

And you wonder why he left?

Now first things first, let me establish that I will not be a fan of the Miami Heat in this coming season (Editor's note: Be assured Professor J will continue his team-wide man crush).

You may think it's because I have principles and morals. However, I'm afraid it's never that simple, not with me. Yes, I won't support them in part because I wish Lebron James had went to his own team and dominated. It's not really because of that.

 

The real reason is because I have a thing for "conflicted and brooding" teams. I'm like that girl who always picks the wrong guy, goes for the bad boy type and then ends up getting hurt (Editor's note: God, that is so me).

 Dikembe would never stand for that analogy, not in his house.

Take that girl and make it a sports fan and that's me. I'm a fan of Darko Milicic and the Minnesota Timberwolves. It's pretty obvious I don't go for the right kind of team. (Editor's note: KAHNNNNNNNNNNNN!)