Showing posts with label Miami Heat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miami Heat. Show all posts
FAKE NEWS UPDATE: Lebron Speaks at Length About The "One Ring" After Winning First Championship
Lebron James surprised reporters with comments during his post championship interview.
"My first ring" James said, sitting down in front of the press, stroking his championship trophy with a wide grin as the room erupted in polite applause and laughter.
"I'm glad to finally have a ring, my first one, the one, the one ring."
"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them." Lebron said, pretending to read an invisible inscription on the trophy.
"One ring to bring them all and in the darkness-bind them." He continued, pausing for emphasis and delivering the final words in an emphatic whisper.
"we started to wonder where he was going with this." an unnamed reporter said, admitting he didn't realize Lebron was quoting from Tolkeins, Lord of the Rings trilogy.
James proceeded to speak at length about the forging of the "One Ring" by the Dark Lord Sauron in the Second Age, ignoring reporters outstretched hands and their attempts to interrupt him with questions about the game.
"I wanted to ask him how he felt about his legacy, but he just kept droning on and on about how impervious to damage the 'One Ring' was." complained another unnamed reporter.
"He just didn't stop, he eventually pulled out notes, a legalpad, filled with notes."
James went on to discuss the men of Numenor and the war between the Elves and Sauron for roughly three hours, before finally concluding with what many analysts agreed was a synopsis of "The Silmarillion"
(editors note: yeah this is fake, not true, etc)
Court-side updates from Professor J
(Editor's note: We don't have the funding to have a man on the hardwood when the games start mattering, so here's Professor J being there for us when it's harmless and inoffensive to everyone involved: reporting his thoughts from a Pre-season game between the Magic and Heat!)
Thoughts on the NBA Finals, Lebron James, and the next season (if there is one....)
So...... it's been a while. Since the last time Baby Hornacek and I wrote anything, the Miami Heat went from dysfunction to contending status to national laughingstock. Lebron James went from pariah to "best player alive" to an international criminal (or so it would seem). Hell, last time we wrote, Eddy Curry was thinking of a comeback, Dirk Nowitzki was still a slightly richer man's Drazen Petrovic, and Nate Robinson wasn't peeing in public. Yeah, it's been a while. As an apology for our break (Editor's note: and to my loved ones, overcoming meth wasn't easy), here's my thoughts on the season that has passed, the way it ended, He Who Must Not Be James-ed, and the upcoming season:
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