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Showing posts with label Lebron James. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lebron James. Show all posts

FAKE NEWS UPDATE: Lebron Speaks at Length About The "One Ring" After Winning First Championship




Lebron James surprised reporters with comments during his post championship interview.

"My first ring" James said, sitting down in front of the press, stroking his championship trophy with a wide grin as the room erupted in polite applause and laughter.

"I'm glad to finally have a ring, my first one, the one, the one ring."

"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them." Lebron said, pretending to read an invisible inscription on the trophy.

"One ring to bring them all and in the darkness-bind them." He continued, pausing for emphasis and delivering the final words in an emphatic whisper.

"we started to wonder where he was going with this." an unnamed reporter said, admitting he didn't realize Lebron was quoting from Tolkeins, Lord of the Rings trilogy.

James proceeded to speak at length about the forging of the "One Ring" by the Dark Lord Sauron in the Second Age, ignoring reporters outstretched hands and their attempts to interrupt him with questions about the game. 

"I wanted to ask him how he felt about his legacy, but he just kept droning on and on about how impervious to damage the 'One Ring' was." complained another unnamed reporter.

"He just didn't stop, he eventually pulled out notes, a legalpad, filled with notes."

James went on to discuss the men of Numenor and the war between the Elves and Sauron for roughly three hours, before finally concluding with what many analysts agreed was a synopsis of "The Silmarillion"



(editors note: yeah this is fake, not true, etc)

Court-side updates from Professor J

(Editor's note: We don't have the funding to have a man on the hardwood when the games start mattering, so here's Professor J being there for us when it's harmless and inoffensive to everyone involved: reporting his thoughts from a Pre-season game between the Magic and Heat!)

Thoughts on the NBA Finals, Lebron James, and the next season (if there is one....)

So...... it's been a while. Since the last time Baby Hornacek and I wrote anything, the Miami Heat went from dysfunction to contending status to national laughingstock. Lebron James went from pariah to "best player alive" to an international criminal (or so it would seem). Hell, last time we wrote, Eddy Curry was thinking of a comeback, Dirk Nowitzki was still a slightly richer man's Drazen Petrovic, and Nate Robinson wasn't peeing in public. Yeah, it's been a while. As an apology for our break (Editor's note: and to my loved ones, overcoming meth wasn't easy), here's my thoughts on the season that has passed, the way it ended, He Who Must Not Be James-ed, and the upcoming season:

Wait......the season started?

Hello faithful reader(s)!

Now I know we haven't posted anything in a while and we sincerely apologize. (Editor's note: A while? A WHILE?!?! I haven't had a job for 2 months! I had to wait tables and mop floors 16 hours a day just to sustain the extravagant lifestyle of a "blog editor" my family had grown used to)
Baby Hornacek and myself have been too busy with curing cancer and saving kittens that we neglected our great blog. We will absolutely remedy that in the only way we know how: personalized gift baskets! (Actually we're just planning on writing more so... y'know... enjoy).

Like Antoine Walker, we're coming back baby!!

(editors note: How did we ever leave?)

 Let's start with some of Professor J's random, scattered thoughts about the still-somewhat-young NBA season! (editors note: while I try to convince the banks to not reposes my 16 story mansion in Connecticut)

Lebron James is not Jesus

So you're a Cleveland Cavaliers fan, weeping and burning jerseys, as you realize you lost yet another chance at a championship (Editor's note: This probably stings more than the franchise givng $70 million to Larry Hughes right? It's a toss up). Meanwhile, Lebron James is in South Beach getting fanned with palm leaves by Cuban-American models.


And you wonder why he left?


Now first things first, let me establish that I will not be a fan of the Miami Heat in this coming season (Editor's note: Be assured Professor J will continue his team-wide man crush).

You may think it's because I have principles and morals. However, I'm afraid it's never that simple, not with me. Yes, I won't support them in part because I wish Lebron James had went to his own team and dominated. It's not really because of that.

 
The real reason is because I have a thing for "conflicted and brooding" teams. I'm like that girl who always picks the wrong guy, goes for the bad boy type and then ends up getting hurt (Editor's note: God, that is so me).

 Dikembe would never stand for that analogy, not in his house.


Take that girl and make it a sports fan and that's me. I'm a fan of Darko Milicic and the Minnesota Timberwolves. It's pretty obvious I don't go for the right kind of team. (Editor's note: KAHNNNNNNNNNNNN!)