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Court-side updates from Professor J

(Editor's note: We don't have the funding to have a man on the hardwood when the games start mattering, so here's Professor J being there for us when it's harmless and inoffensive to everyone involved: reporting his thoughts from a Pre-season game between the Magic and Heat!)

On my way to the Miami Heat-Orlando Magic preseason game right now and Prof Js Super Cool Live Update blog Sponsored by Wendy's starts in about an hour! Right after I finish this delicious "W" burger, Wendy's new signature burger, and their fantastic fresh cut fries!

Things I'm looking forward to:

-Seeing Lebron James and Dwyane Wade in person after 7 years (I saw them play in the Olympics in 2004, a memory I had blocked out until my mom reminded me this morning)

-Seeing Eddy Curry in person. My seat is so high up, he may be the only player I'll be able to see clearly. 

-Dwight Howard's relationship with his teammates/the Mqgic fans. As a central Florida resident, I can assure you the Dwight situation is a HUGE deal here. For example, the local news here is usually about three things: the weather, violent crimes and Casey Anthony. For the last three week though, Dwight has been making nightly appearances, usually saying the right things in a passive voice while appearing to be 5,000 miles away. Wait is Los Angeles 5,000 miles? However far away Los Angeles is from Orlando. That's how far away.

-Earl Clark! And Norris Cole! And Daniel Orton! And the many other players I have to break down for my mom over the course of the night. 

Be back soon!

In my seat and enjoying the festivities. The new Amway Center is, IMO, one of the best arenas in pro sports. Open, easy to walk around, a lot of clear views of the court. 

And so it begins:

-this place is going to be packed. Hate the Heat and Lebron James if you want but they bring people out to games. -Magic dancers walk around the arena before games and interact with people. Its a nice touch for creepy people like me.

-The magic mascot looks exactly like a mascot someone on a deadline had to dream up to represent a team with such an ambiguous name like "the Magic". Hes a green dragon with pink, yellow, purple highlights.

-the magic just came out to and are warming up to "Niggas in Paris". Every other word is bleeped. 

-The heat are out! Half the crowd boos, the other half cheers.

-Btw about our fantasy league, I'm bouncing around a few names for my team. I like "I LOVE STERN AND HUNTER" but in mulling changing it to "ALL HAIL BIYOMBO" or "6th best player on the LA Lakers". I'll have to think about this.

- A guy sitting near me has a huge shirt of Dwight Howard's face as drawn by Edgar Degas. I want one 

-Note: for the remainder of this update, I will refer to Joel Anthony only as "The Warden" and Hedo Turkoglu will be "The Albatross" because of his massive contract that is basically tied to Dwights in any trade. 

-You can tell Jason Richardson from the upper deck solely based on the shape of his head. It's so strangely sloped. 

-Game on! 

-Powder toss! 

-The magics pump up video is quite epic. Just ended with a fullscreen Dwight dunk. Think they'll mind if I run on court and play? 

-I like Ryan Anderson. I don't know why. And I won't testify to it on the record. 

-JJ Redick speaking to the crowd. First time I've heard him speak. And I HATE HIM. 

-Party Rock Anthem just makes people want to dance. From 8 to 80, if you don't dance to party rock anthem, there's something wrong with you I'm sorry. At least tap your toes! 

-Magic win the toss.

-hahah As soon as Lebron touched the ball, people started booing. 

- Foul on Joel Anthony. Now it's.a Heat game! 

-Lebron will the first basket. Wade with a pretty spin on the baseline. 4-0 Heat 

-Chris Bosh looks so laconic on the floor.

-My mom thinks cheering loudly during free throws is bad sportsmanship. She's also rooting for "a good game". 

-Lebron? With a post move?


-Defensive three seconds makes it 8-0 Heat -Lebron James makes it 12-0 Heat. Magic aren't hitting their threes. When they don't hit their threes, they just don't score.

-I just came to the realization the Heat are never going to sign a capable center in.a league where Kwame Brown gets 7 million dollars a year.

-16-4 Heat. Chalmers bumps Jameer Nelson on a drive. I keep forgetting the Heat pay Mario Chalmers a lot of money to play matador defense on other point guards. 

-The Warden! With a steal! I'm surprised he only has one foul so far.

-The Warden again! With a competent offensive move?! Where am I??? I'm scared guys.

-All week since Kim Jong Il died, my dad has been making jokes about North Korean haircuts that he thinks are hilarious. He thinks Stan Van Gundy has a North Korean haircut. 

-Lebron is on fire! 23-9 Heat. 

-Norris Cole in the game. I have high hopes for him

-Dwight with the dunk. 23-12 heat.

-Juwan Howard in the game. Average age goes up to 35

-I totally forgot Big Baby Davis was on the Magic. Same with Jameer Nelson. The Magic are a strange team. If they didn't reach the Finals that one year, I doubt Otis Smith is still here.

-Redick nails a shot, 26-17 Heat.

-Every other guy Juwan Howard played college basketball with doesn't even play professional basketball anymore. Goodness he's old.

That's the end of the first!
Anndd we're back:

-Mikell Gladness in the game!! 

-29-18 Heat.

-The Internet here is spotty and I'm running out of battery so excuse me if the updates are iffy.

-i always find it weird how pro coaches all gather together before they talk to their players like they're hatching a plan or something.

-34-18 Heat. Magic look overmatched on defense and lethargic on offense. When Lebron James is hitting jumpers, the Heat are pretty unstoppable...

-I'm predicting a monster year for Dwade. He's slimmer and seems more explosive.

- 38-20 Heat.

-I miss Michael Doleac. Now there was a mediocre-to-poor big man!

-Wade with his patented "fake and run into the defender" foul. Otherwise known as the second douchiest move you can do on the playground. The first is wear a compression sleeve.

-Tough hardcourt press by the Heat! This is new. Leads to a James steal and fouled on the layup. 43-20 Heat.

- I'm glad Jason Richardson stayed on the magic. I'd be more scared if he was on the Bulls then Rip Hamilton I don't know why.

-I'm nominating Von Wafer to the "Andray Blatche Memorial Occasionally All-Stars" team, the team for players who occasionally make All-star plays but aren't really, y'know, even close to All-Stars.

-The Warden makes his free throws. 46-26 Heat. No sign of the albatross.

-The Magic, Hawks, Sixers and Pacers all occupy that oood but just not good enough. We'll see this year.

- 47-32 Heat. That's what happens when your only offense is isos and The Warden taking free thows.

-Eddy Curry and James Jones on the kiss cam! Come on and touch it Dave...

-I really hope no one here paid more than a hundred bucks for a seat to a preseason basketball game.

-Place is packed though. After watching a Bobcats-Hawks preseason game the other day and being here, it's clear that there are huge power and interest gaps in the NBA...

-The Heat as a team get to the line a lot. 49-34 Heat.

-The Magic answer with a flurry of points and cut the lead to 14. Heat lead at the half, 56-42.

See you after the half! 

Start of the second half: -

Seriously contemplating leaving a game of my favorite team early. Can't believe it but this has been quite lethargic. Guys walking. Missed shots. This will be a fun season to watch. 

-Magic are making this a game. 58-47 Heat. 

-The guy sitting next to me looks exactly like Donyell Marshall. 

-58-52 Heat. The Magic started hitting their shots. 

-YAY SHOUT IS ON THE LOUDSPEAKER. I assure you I didn't just yell that. The only good use of that song was in Wedding Crashers and Animal House. 

-There's such strange, somber mood in the arena. It's affecting me. Getting...sleepy....and.....sad... Heat 60-52 


-beautiful alley oop from Nelson to Richardson. 66-59 Heat. -Big Baby with some Big Baby swagger on an and-one. 68-64 magic. 

-Man that Wendy's sandwich from earlier was delicious!! Yum! -

- Lebron certainly is posting more. Just had Jameer Nelson on the block. 

-Magic tie it at 70 with free throws by Nelson! 

- Something about Big Baby Davjs makes him a terror when a game is close. Hustle and-one by him puts the Magic up,72-70.

-Larry Hughes plays for the Magic??? 

-Nice move by Norris Cole puts the Heat up 75-72. I like Cole, he's a smart rookie.

-Quentin Richardson and Lebron getting into it. Lebron bumped into Qrich while he was hamming for the cameras. Refs deciding the penalty.

-James Jones sinks the T to make it 80-74 Heat.

-Just showed the replay of Lebrons tiff with Qrich and got Lebron on tape messing with Richardson. Qrich jawing the crowd, pleading his innocence like a court defendant. 

-Craig Sager and Craig Sagers crazy suit are in the house! Not watching the game anymore, watching Craig.

End of third! Miami up 80-76! I'm not sure if everyone in here knows it's an exhibition game...
Back for the fourth!!! Wait, where's Lebron? He just left?

Action starts:

- Norris Cole with 11 points. Puts the Heat up 82-81.

-Baby answers!! 83-82. Imagine your nickname was Big Baby. I hope there's an athlete with the nickname "Farts" one day. "Farts! From outside! BANGGGGG"

-Heat have Cole, Howard, Jones, Harris and Haslem on the floor. Miamis pu pu platter lineup. 

-quick flurry of points by the Magic! Lead by.... Larry Hughes? What year am I in? 91-82 Magic

-Magic fans are so passionate and incredibly diverse. Really reflects this area of Florida.


-Wade fouled, at the line. Sinks both, 91-84 Magic

-My dad is singing along to "Otjs". I'm so proud.

-James in the game, boos are born.

-Heat clamping down, 95-87 Magic.

-Uninformed season prediction: Magic and Heat both make playoffs, Heat make Finals and win finals. 

-the ref just got pegged by a Lebron James half court pass. 

-Lebron fouled shooting, makes both. 95-90, Magic.

-Lebron crab-dribbled, Lebron traveled.

-It's B-team vs B-team now. Daniel Orton makes an appearance and knocks one in. 97-92 Magic.

-JJ Redick and Ryan Anderson totally hang out with one another. Maybe Chris Duhon tags along. 


- Magic win it! 104-100. They are now 22-1 in their last 23 preseason games. With their crowd, it's not hard to imagine why.

-Incredibly entertaining for a preaseason game. The circus that surrounds the Heat is still strong! Let's hope the season is just as entertaining for all teams

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